3 weddings leading to a lot of thoughts

As I look back at the last few weeks I've realized that I've become one of "those girls" that I'd never thought I'd become, and yet, I'm the same girl...

I flew home for a wedding a couple weekends ago, arriving a couple hours before the wedding and flying out the next day. Who does that? I never EVER thought I'd be "that girl" who just "flies in" for the night.

The following weekend I drove from Memphis to Shreveport LA to visit a friend and her little family in their new house en route to attend a friend's wedding in Dallas. I drove to Dallas and around in Dallas like it was no one's business. I didn't even get stressed out about it. Then I drove north through OK, KS and then back to the good life via highway 81. I put on a total of 1375 miles in the span of 4 days. I called a friend in Wichita. We ate ice cream. He called me letting me know of weather that was brewing on the western part of the KS/NE border- so I attempted to outrun it- picking up the speed a little and altering my route attempting to avoid it by listening to KS/NE rural radio and pestering Dad on Father's Day in order to get his expert navigational/weather reading skills.

I had a conversation with a dear friend in Dallas late at night which got me starting to think. She told me how I reminded her of her mom who had grown up in a small town in Northeast Nebraska and is now a very successful carreer woman in a city in TX. She told me that her mom loved going back home and was sometimes wondered whether or not she should have gone back to the town that "built her."

This past weekend one of my best friends from high school got married. Vel's bakery catered the wedding- it's where her dad goes for coffee every morning. Her sister-in-law made the cake. The Pastor who married them has known her since she was in elementary school. The girls she babysat were junior bridesmaids. My mom made mints. A gal from her church made the punch. It was so simple.

Before this week, I thought, that there was no way in a million years that I would come back to Wayne. In returning home, even just this week, I'm starting to change the way I feel- while driving through the storms around York/Columbus knowing to go to KZ-100 for good weather reports, stopping for a Runza in York for comfort food on the drive back, being able to walk home for lunch, leaving for church 8 minutes before 10 and getting there 5 minutes before Mass starts, having middle and high school teachers who come in for eye exams ask where I'm at and how school is going, recieving warm smiles and howsitgoings? from people who just recognize you but know you look familiar, double takes when telling people you knew pretty well at one point that you now live in Memphis (Like, Tennessee?!?), getting hugs from the older women at church saying they are glad I'm back and ask if I'll be playing the organ, recieving offers to go "check cows" from old friends but having the offer [somewhat, jokingly] taken back because I don't like beer that much, leaving belongings in plain sight in my car and not worrying that someone's going to break into it, being able to charge things to an account when picking up something for work. Someone who I had never seen before asked me who I was and then asked if I was ever in the musicals in school. I told her I was. She then said it was a middle school production, which my class was the last class to do it, and said- It WAS you- you had a solo. Turns out she wasn't even from Wayne, but she was at the play for something to do and remembered me, 10 years later. It's home. I love it.
Is it who I am and who I will be after school is done?
or is it who I was and I am now "That girl" who drives to Dallas and flys back for a wedding?
or is there a way to have it both ways- a girl with roots that has big wings as well?

people ask where I think I'll end up after school. God willing- I'd live to end up back in the midwest. While I thought I didn't want to come back to Wayne, who knows. It really isn't as bad as I rememebr, but then again, I've only been back a week. I don't want to go to chain stores to pick up things I need. I'd love to be able to walk into the drugstore to pick up an Rx and have the high school girl at the front counter know my name, have my kids be teased by the grocer as we walk through the produce aisle like I was, get hugs from the elderly parishoners after Mass, give/recieve food when someone is sick or has died, etc.   But I love the opportunities and wide variety of things a larger community has to offer: theatre, musical events, shopping (!), things to do in general.

can I have my cake and eat it too?

good thing I have at least 3 years left to figure it out.

next post will be about the weddings. this one is long enough.

a taste of home

home is so close i can feel it. and it is making me really anxious and not able to focus.
a bunch of different things are frustrating me right now. it is more the amount of little things i need to do before i can go home. it's weighing me down and distracting me and other things that have been bothering me for a while are becoming amplified.

this weekend i was looking at the food in the freezer- what i need to eat in the next week-- chuck roast. oh yeah. it's been in the crockpot since 8am with wine, celery, basil, onion, thyme, oregano, and my fav- garlic. it smells so yummy. kaila's making rolls. i think leigha's making spuds.

maybe, hopefully, it'll help me focus for a little longer before i get to go home.

pharm test tomorrow. prayers appreciated.
you know those commercials for bladder control (detrol), asthma (spiriva), etc? and they mention the mechanism... yeah. that's what we're learning--- antagonist/agonists/effects/side effects/ contraindications... it's a blast, let me tell you.

omaha friday to celebrate the Blessed union of Natalie and Dan. Praise.

i should be pharming now...

It's 92 degrees outside. Earlier the heat index was 98. Now, it's "cooled off" and only feels like 93. Gross. I can't wait to go back to Nebraska, where I thought summer was bad. Turns out it wasn't.

I'm having one of those days where I feel disconnected from home- even though I've talked with my mom at least once a day (more like 2 or 3) since Wednesday. I feel like I don't know what's going on. Ok. So I really do know generally what's going on, but I just feel disconnected and way too far away.

I've missed 4 bridal showers. 3 for girls whose weddings i'm in. one of which happened to be yesterday.

I just got off the phone with my bff from high school who is getting married June 26. I'm her MOH. I haven't done squat to help her- I warned her when she asked me, but I still feel bad. It's really hard not being there to help her with things that a MOH should? She is a "take care of things herself" kind of girl, but still-- I'm planning (or at least attempting) to plan a bachelorette party. Let's be honest. I hate drawing attention to myself and my group. I also hate making decisions that affect a whole group. I also hate disappointing people- I'd hate to throw my best friend a horribly lame party. I don't know the other BM very well- or frankly, at all.

As much as I hate those things,thinking about it is more fun than studying pharmacology.

in two weeks, i'll in the middle of my northward trek back home.

on a happier note: i kicked my pathology test's hiney on wednesday. hopefully it wasn't a fluke and i can do it again on the final path test next week and the upcoming 2 pharmacology tests... I suppose I should go study now.