one month

march is over.
how.on.earth...?
crazy.

this month has been busy. very busy. 7 tests. numerous meetings.a couple icky days. many sunshiney days.

the coming month: eh- finals at the end of it but only 3 midterms before we take finals...  BECOME SECOND YEARS! and then

THE BEACH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that's right. One month from right now. This very minute, I will be on Myrtle Beach, SC. Jessie's parents have a condo down there and we will take the week and hang out. mmmm lovely.

"You are for Me" - kari jobe

So faithful

So constant
So loving and so true
So powerful in all you do

You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to you

I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who you are

So patient
So gracious
So merciful and true
So wonderful in all you do

You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to you

I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me that

I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who you are

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Tia introduced me to Kari Jobe's music via "My Beloved" and I was hooked. Such a pure voice. Such perfect lyrics.

enough

lately, i've been struggling with my morale. although being at home was great, i got to see many friends over break - in lincoln, kearney, and wayne; eat fish with dad's family; go shopping with mom and grandma mary; and just "be," i was in the funk. and it worried me. it worried my mom more. even my friends down here were asking what was up... "ash, you just aren't as happy as you used to be. what is going on?" jessie and i talked about it and i realized my feelings could be summed up :

i've been struggling with feeling like i'm not ______________ enough.
fill in the blank with anything and i've felt it: not pretty, thin, smart, popular... etc... just not good enough.

the most frustrating part of it was, though i felt these things, i knew i shouldn't because these things don't matter and if they did, still aren't true....
-i've been dwelling on the weight i've gained since being down here. my clothes don't fit as well as they used to. i don't feel confident in them. i don't want to buy new clothes in a bigger size.
-this week i've gotten a couple test back and was incredibly disappointed in the grades. below average. not good enough.
-i didn't get the student ambassador position. fake, phony baloneys that people don't really like that much but kiss up did.
-no boyfriend. 8 friends getting married? 3 babies? while i am excited for friends, i felt left out, not lovable, not pretty...

not. good. enough...

then i talked with my mom this morning.
"ashley, it's satan."

duh
why else would i feel so terrible about myself? why else would i buy into the lies?
he took advantage of my vulverablity. my desire to be perfect. or should i say "perfect."

i was attempting to make myself feel better by spending time justifying bad days with material pick-me-ups, instead of the only thing that can fill the voids... instead of spending 20 minutes in prayer, or reading scripture, or doing good for others. i was essentially spiritually stupid.

now that i'm aware of it, i feel like a burden has been lifted. after i hung up with mom, i spent some time in prayer. as i opened my books, i opened a spritual radio station on itunes and heard this song... REALLY listening to it. exactly how i felt. and exactly what i needed to hear... Walk on Water

in the mail...

I love mail. I love opening my box at school and seeing a graded paper in there- especially when they have a big A on them. I love opening my email and seeing good deals and coupons for clothes, groceries, etc. I love opening facebook and seeing unexpected, "just because" notes. Opening the mail at home isn't usually as fun, for it usually consists of bills, and former tenants' mail, but sometimes a neat optometry magazine or a Save the Date! I've received all of the preceeding in the last week and love it.

Today in my box at school, I received an invitation to apply to be a Student Ambassador. I'm really excited about it.  You see, you must have a 3.0 to even be considered. Then, faculty and current ambassadors nominate people that they feel would be good for the position from the 3.0 and above pool.  While I felt as though I probably didn't make much of an impression on many people, I must have.  I don't usually try to do a lot of things to stand out, so to be considered for this is a great honor. I'd love to be able to be share my love for the profession and my school with interviewees and incoming first years. I still have to fill out the application and interview... then it's in God's hands.

Legit Snow Day

Last night, around 11, I checked weather.com and saw that there was a (pretty good) chance for snow and sleet, the "wintery mix." Since my windshield wiper was still on the fritz, I grabbed a socket wrench, put on my moccasins and headed outside to tighten that dumb nut. Success. Then I decided that since I actually "prepared" for the "storm" it wouldn't come.

FALSE

I received a text from Dr. Philips at 5:45 am stating that campus is closed today. After a little while, I got up and looked outside, expecting to see a dusting, < 1 inch. HOLY SNOW! There's a couple inches out there!! (not 5, like my dear Louisana friend claimed, but beside the point)! Turns out we could get 4-8 more during the day today! What?

I would like to point out that we've had 3 "snow" days since we came back this semester. I think I had a total of 3 in 4 years at UNL. Weird.

Best part about it: Ophthalmic Optics Test, Geometric Optics Quiz, Ophthalmic Optics practical- POSTPONED and I get more time to study for the Ocular Physiology test we have tomorrow... IF we have school... tra-la-la!

windows

I have a very large window in my bedroom. I think it is as wide as I am tall, and well over taller than I am. The light coming in is wonderful, but, the glass is not energy efficient. It is at least 10 degrees colder in my room compared with the rest of the apartment. Even with the vents in common spaces closed. At night it's not too bad, for I sleep under several layers of warm covers, but sitting doing homework, my fingers get cold. I guess I could leave my door open, but that increases distractions. Something I struggle with. Namely Leigha and the kitchen. To limit distractions, I go to school to study- either the library or study rooms. School is closed again today. Yes, it's Saturday, but the school is closed because of snow on the roads. Frustrating, because 1) I can drive on this stuff. 2) I have troubles studying at home. (chilly room, common area distractions, and laptop).

I scraped car windows a lot yesterday. Something I really never did in Nebraska. In Lincoln, I parked in the 17&R garage. When I was at home over breaks and new I'd need to scrape, Dad let me park in the garage, or cleaned the windows for me. My cheapy little blue scraper works quite well. We had about a 1/4-1/2 inch of ice/snow build up on our cars yesterday. I cleaned my roommate's car last night. She's from AZ. It wasn't really that cold out, but of course, to her it was 'fah-reeezing.' She doesn't have a scraper. She doesn't now how to drive on roads with a little slush and snow on them. So I drove to the restraunt. During the drive, she and our friend from Florida asked what the roads were like in Nebraska when it snows... I told them that they were snowpacked and a little slick, but able to be navigated... They asked what snowpacked meant. I responeded, well, snow is packed down covering the streets. Highways, not so much, but streets, yes. They were floored that it was possible to drive on it. So then I gave them a driving lesson: drive slow, give yourself plenty of space between cars in front of you, and don't make abrupt turns, stops, accelerations. Kristen then said... "It's white death out here!" (with a mere 1"-2" of snow/ice/slush accumulation) Oh my.

rain changing wintery mix changing to snow day

Good morning! It's Friday, my friend Jessie's birthday, AAAAAAND a "snow day." Funny thing about it? All I can hear is rain through the gutters and when I look - see ripples in puddles. So, for now we have a rain day. SCO has text/email alerts so at 5:45 I received a text saying NO SCHOOL TODAY!

I'm a little bummed out. We won't have theory now. And, I already had no lab this afternoon and one of my professors had canceled class because he was going to be out of town, so my "snow day" is getting me out of a mere 2 classes. Ah, well.

The forcast says that it's supposed to pick up soon, get colder, and start wintery mixing and snowing. Up to measurable snow, I hear. We'll see. I'm debating whether or not to go out now, get a couple groceries and maybe some cupcakes for J's birthday- gourmet cupcakes. delcious. downfall, it's across town, practically East Memphis. Big plus though, she LOVES them and if it does what they say it's going to do, she won't get any. So I'd be the hero! : ) What I might do is get ready, and if I slip as I'm walking outside, come back in and start homework and reorganizing my room.