As I look back at the last few weeks I've realized that I've become one of "those girls" that I'd never thought I'd become, and yet, I'm the same girl...
I flew home for a wedding a couple weekends ago, arriving a couple hours before the wedding and flying out the next day. Who does that? I never EVER thought I'd be "that girl" who just "flies in" for the night.
The following weekend I drove from Memphis to Shreveport LA to visit a friend and her little family in their new house en route to attend a friend's wedding in Dallas. I drove to Dallas and around in Dallas like it was no one's business. I didn't even get stressed out about it. Then I drove north through OK, KS and then back to the good life via highway 81. I put on a total of 1375 miles in the span of 4 days. I called a friend in Wichita. We ate ice cream. He called me letting me know of weather that was brewing on the western part of the KS/NE border- so I attempted to outrun it- picking up the speed a little and altering my route attempting to avoid it by listening to KS/NE rural radio and pestering Dad on Father's Day in order to get his expert navigational/weather reading skills.
I had a conversation with a dear friend in Dallas late at night which got me starting to think. She told me how I reminded her of her mom who had grown up in a small town in Northeast Nebraska and is now a very successful carreer woman in a city in TX. She told me that her mom loved going back home and was sometimes wondered whether or not she should have gone back to the town that "built her."
This past weekend one of my best friends from high school got married. Vel's bakery catered the wedding- it's where her dad goes for coffee every morning. Her sister-in-law made the cake. The Pastor who married them has known her since she was in elementary school. The girls she babysat were junior bridesmaids. My mom made mints. A gal from her church made the punch. It was so simple.
Before this week, I thought, that there was no way in a million years that I would come back to Wayne. In returning home, even just this week, I'm starting to change the way I feel- while driving through the storms around York/Columbus knowing to go to KZ-100 for good weather reports, stopping for a Runza in York for comfort food on the drive back, being able to walk home for lunch, leaving for church 8 minutes before 10 and getting there 5 minutes before Mass starts, having middle and high school teachers who come in for eye exams ask where I'm at and how school is going, recieving warm smiles and howsitgoings? from people who just recognize you but know you look familiar, double takes when telling people you knew pretty well at one point that you now live in Memphis (Like, Tennessee?!?), getting hugs from the older women at church saying they are glad I'm back and ask if I'll be playing the organ, recieving offers to go "check cows" from old friends but having the offer [somewhat, jokingly] taken back because I don't like beer that much, leaving belongings in plain sight in my car and not worrying that someone's going to break into it, being able to charge things to an account when picking up something for work. Someone who I had never seen before asked me who I was and then asked if I was ever in the musicals in school. I told her I was. She then said it was a middle school production, which my class was the last class to do it, and said- It WAS you- you had a solo. Turns out she wasn't even from Wayne, but she was at the play for something to do and remembered me, 10 years later. It's home. I love it.
Is it who I am and who I will be after school is done?
or is it who I was and I am now "That girl" who drives to Dallas and flys back for a wedding?
or is there a way to have it both ways- a girl with roots that has big wings as well?
people ask where I think I'll end up after school. God willing- I'd live to end up back in the midwest. While I thought I didn't want to come back to Wayne, who knows. It really isn't as bad as I rememebr, but then again, I've only been back a week. I don't want to go to chain stores to pick up things I need. I'd love to be able to walk into the drugstore to pick up an Rx and have the high school girl at the front counter know my name, have my kids be teased by the grocer as we walk through the produce aisle like I was, get hugs from the elderly parishoners after Mass, give/recieve food when someone is sick or has died, etc. But I love the opportunities and wide variety of things a larger community has to offer: theatre, musical events, shopping (!), things to do in general.
can I have my cake and eat it too?
good thing I have at least 3 years left to figure it out.
next post will be about the weddings. this one is long enough.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
a taste of home
home is so close i can feel it. and it is making me really anxious and not able to focus.
a bunch of different things are frustrating me right now. it is more the amount of little things i need to do before i can go home. it's weighing me down and distracting me and other things that have been bothering me for a while are becoming amplified.
this weekend i was looking at the food in the freezer- what i need to eat in the next week-- chuck roast. oh yeah. it's been in the crockpot since 8am with wine, celery, basil, onion, thyme, oregano, and my fav- garlic. it smells so yummy. kaila's making rolls. i think leigha's making spuds.
maybe, hopefully, it'll help me focus for a little longer before i get to go home.
pharm test tomorrow. prayers appreciated.
you know those commercials for bladder control (detrol), asthma (spiriva), etc? and they mention the mechanism... yeah. that's what we're learning--- antagonist/agonists/effects/side effects/ contraindications... it's a blast, let me tell you.
omaha friday to celebrate the Blessed union of Natalie and Dan. Praise.
a bunch of different things are frustrating me right now. it is more the amount of little things i need to do before i can go home. it's weighing me down and distracting me and other things that have been bothering me for a while are becoming amplified.
this weekend i was looking at the food in the freezer- what i need to eat in the next week-- chuck roast. oh yeah. it's been in the crockpot since 8am with wine, celery, basil, onion, thyme, oregano, and my fav- garlic. it smells so yummy. kaila's making rolls. i think leigha's making spuds.
maybe, hopefully, it'll help me focus for a little longer before i get to go home.
pharm test tomorrow. prayers appreciated.
you know those commercials for bladder control (detrol), asthma (spiriva), etc? and they mention the mechanism... yeah. that's what we're learning--- antagonist/agonists/effects/side effects/ contraindications... it's a blast, let me tell you.
omaha friday to celebrate the Blessed union of Natalie and Dan. Praise.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
i should be pharming now...
It's 92 degrees outside. Earlier the heat index was 98. Now, it's "cooled off" and only feels like 93. Gross. I can't wait to go back to Nebraska, where I thought summer was bad. Turns out it wasn't.
I'm having one of those days where I feel disconnected from home- even though I've talked with my mom at least once a day (more like 2 or 3) since Wednesday. I feel like I don't know what's going on. Ok. So I really do know generally what's going on, but I just feel disconnected and way too far away.
I've missed 4 bridal showers. 3 for girls whose weddings i'm in. one of which happened to be yesterday.
I just got off the phone with my bff from high school who is getting married June 26. I'm her MOH. I haven't done squat to help her- I warned her when she asked me, but I still feel bad. It's really hard not being there to help her with things that a MOH should? She is a "take care of things herself" kind of girl, but still-- I'm planning (or at least attempting) to plan a bachelorette party. Let's be honest. I hate drawing attention to myself and my group. I also hate making decisions that affect a whole group. I also hate disappointing people- I'd hate to throw my best friend a horribly lame party. I don't know the other BM very well- or frankly, at all.
As much as I hate those things,thinking about it is more fun than studying pharmacology.
in two weeks, i'll in the middle of my northward trek back home.
on a happier note: i kicked my pathology test's hiney on wednesday. hopefully it wasn't a fluke and i can do it again on the final path test next week and the upcoming 2 pharmacology tests... I suppose I should go study now.
I'm having one of those days where I feel disconnected from home- even though I've talked with my mom at least once a day (more like 2 or 3) since Wednesday. I feel like I don't know what's going on. Ok. So I really do know generally what's going on, but I just feel disconnected and way too far away.
I've missed 4 bridal showers. 3 for girls whose weddings i'm in. one of which happened to be yesterday.
I just got off the phone with my bff from high school who is getting married June 26. I'm her MOH. I haven't done squat to help her- I warned her when she asked me, but I still feel bad. It's really hard not being there to help her with things that a MOH should? She is a "take care of things herself" kind of girl, but still-- I'm planning (or at least attempting) to plan a bachelorette party. Let's be honest. I hate drawing attention to myself and my group. I also hate making decisions that affect a whole group. I also hate disappointing people- I'd hate to throw my best friend a horribly lame party. I don't know the other BM very well- or frankly, at all.
As much as I hate those things,thinking about it is more fun than studying pharmacology.
in two weeks, i'll in the middle of my northward trek back home.
on a happier note: i kicked my pathology test's hiney on wednesday. hopefully it wasn't a fluke and i can do it again on the final path test next week and the upcoming 2 pharmacology tests... I suppose I should go study now.
Monday, May 24, 2010
giving life
donating blood.
my dad has donated gallons of blood in the last two decades. it's something he does as often as it works out in his schedule and as much as he is allowed. i'm not certain as to how he got started- but i remember growing up and seeing the neon elastic band around the punture site and his sticker that read "be nice to me, I gave blood today." maybe he just wanted us to be nice to him once in a while, so he gave blood.
in high school, when we had our blood drive, it only seemed natural that i do it as well. what's the worst that could come out of it? sure, you feel a little woozy afterwards but then you get juice and a cookie, not to mention a free meal at subway complements of STU.CO. i continued to give in the summers- dad and i would go to the hospital or fire station and race to see who could give the fastest. he always won (not by much, though)... i've gotten away from it going to college. it disappoints me and i'm going to do better.
your blood is given to someone who needs it. you lose a pint. to you, a healthy person, it is so little. to a sick person, it is so much.
organ donation.
when i turned 16 and got my license, i said YES to organ donation. my mom didn't get it at first. she told me she didn't want them to "cut me up" after i had died. "it's weird, ash." i explained to her: but. what would i do with them? wouldn't it be good to give someone else life?
newest to me is: bone marrow donation
did you know there is a national registry that you can be a part of?
a family friend is suffering from multiple myeloma. they are praying for a bone marrow match as his only chance. they've tried so many other treatments- approved and experimental. he is a fighter. still working on his farm as much as he possibly can- more than he should, that's for sure, but it's what keeps his spirits up- that and his wife, 4 kids, and 2 granddaughters. his second daughter will be married in august. she's graduating from PA school this month. she posted a link last night on facebook. they are sending me a kit to swab my inner cheeks in the next 7-10 business days to be typed and processed to join the registry. maybe i'll be a match for dan. maybe i won't. hopefully someone will be. and maybe i will for a stranger who is special to someone else.
if it's God's will.
consider it. there is someone out there that might need you. what do you have to lose?
my dad has donated gallons of blood in the last two decades. it's something he does as often as it works out in his schedule and as much as he is allowed. i'm not certain as to how he got started- but i remember growing up and seeing the neon elastic band around the punture site and his sticker that read "be nice to me, I gave blood today." maybe he just wanted us to be nice to him once in a while, so he gave blood.
in high school, when we had our blood drive, it only seemed natural that i do it as well. what's the worst that could come out of it? sure, you feel a little woozy afterwards but then you get juice and a cookie, not to mention a free meal at subway complements of STU.CO. i continued to give in the summers- dad and i would go to the hospital or fire station and race to see who could give the fastest. he always won (not by much, though)... i've gotten away from it going to college. it disappoints me and i'm going to do better.
your blood is given to someone who needs it. you lose a pint. to you, a healthy person, it is so little. to a sick person, it is so much.
organ donation.
when i turned 16 and got my license, i said YES to organ donation. my mom didn't get it at first. she told me she didn't want them to "cut me up" after i had died. "it's weird, ash." i explained to her: but. what would i do with them? wouldn't it be good to give someone else life?
newest to me is: bone marrow donation
did you know there is a national registry that you can be a part of?
a family friend is suffering from multiple myeloma. they are praying for a bone marrow match as his only chance. they've tried so many other treatments- approved and experimental. he is a fighter. still working on his farm as much as he possibly can- more than he should, that's for sure, but it's what keeps his spirits up- that and his wife, 4 kids, and 2 granddaughters. his second daughter will be married in august. she's graduating from PA school this month. she posted a link last night on facebook. they are sending me a kit to swab my inner cheeks in the next 7-10 business days to be typed and processed to join the registry. maybe i'll be a match for dan. maybe i won't. hopefully someone will be. and maybe i will for a stranger who is special to someone else.
if it's God's will.
consider it. there is someone out there that might need you. what do you have to lose?
Saturday, May 22, 2010
laundry
Sometimes I feel as though I'm one of the laziest people on earth. Especially when it comes to laundry.
Generally, I like doing laundry: folding, hanging up, organizing drawers, closet etc. I dislike dirty laundry laying around. BUT when there are "other things to do" I let it slide. Why? I don't know. It's not like it will take any longer to hang it up/put it away/throw it in the hamper the first time than it will to maneuver around it. My mind plays tricks on me. "You reaaally should do x. It's more important than dealing with your laundry." It's dumb, and rather annoying especially when piles build up all over my small little room.
I like ironing too. Weird, I know but with a good hot iron and a stack of fancy clothes that need a little TLC, I know I'll look good in the end! but I also feel like I'm wasting time doing it- especially with one or two items.... I recently purchased a new pair of shorts and wore them once- to a smoky place, so I had to wash them again before I can wear them again. I pulled them out of the dryer and they were a crumped icky mess. So I'll have to iron them- which is exciting and dreadful at the same time. This morning I "ironed" the cuff on a different pair of shorts with my flat iron. I think my mental conflict (of like/dislike) stems from the hassle it takes to actually start ironing- and the awkwardness of the tabletop ironing board. gross.
this post was essentially pointless. and very ridiculous.
Generally, I like doing laundry: folding, hanging up, organizing drawers, closet etc. I dislike dirty laundry laying around. BUT when there are "other things to do" I let it slide. Why? I don't know. It's not like it will take any longer to hang it up/put it away/throw it in the hamper the first time than it will to maneuver around it. My mind plays tricks on me. "You reaaally should do x. It's more important than dealing with your laundry." It's dumb, and rather annoying especially when piles build up all over my small little room.
I like ironing too. Weird, I know but with a good hot iron and a stack of fancy clothes that need a little TLC, I know I'll look good in the end! but I also feel like I'm wasting time doing it- especially with one or two items.... I recently purchased a new pair of shorts and wore them once- to a smoky place, so I had to wash them again before I can wear them again. I pulled them out of the dryer and they were a crumped icky mess. So I'll have to iron them- which is exciting and dreadful at the same time. This morning I "ironed" the cuff on a different pair of shorts with my flat iron. I think my mental conflict (of like/dislike) stems from the hassle it takes to actually start ironing- and the awkwardness of the tabletop ironing board. gross.
this post was essentially pointless. and very ridiculous.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
st. lucy patroness of the blind and eye doctors
Saint Lucy, you did not hide your light under a basket, but let it shine for the whole world, for all the centuries to see. We may not suffer torture in our lives the way you did, but we are still called to let the light of our Christianity illumine our daily lives. Please help us to have the courage to bring our Christianity into our work, our recreation, our relationships, our conversation -- every corner of our day. Amen
so many states!
phew.
it's been a whirlwind of 2 weeks. after finals jessie and I jumped into her yellow suv and headed out- through mississippi, alabama, georgia (commemorated with peach shakes from chik-fil-a), and south carolina. we were greeted with open arms by her bf kyle. and then we went to the ocean. it was dark. but it was soo gorgeous and calming. every care and stress in the world evaporated with the roar of the ocean in my ear, crunch of shells under my feet and tickle of salt in my nose. i attended mass at Our Lady of the Sea the next morning, ate a Bo Jangles chicken biscut (better than chik-fil-a!) went for a ride on the elmore's boat "like eye care" up/down the intercoastal waterway. some of the houses over looking it are absolutely gorgeous. we ate the most delicious fresh (fried) shrimp and hussssh puppies. i think they were more like circular mini funnel cakes- dip them in honey butter mmmm mmm mmm. calories didn't count on my trip.
the rest of the week we hit up the beach, walking, reading, coffee at java joes (waaay better than starbucks), outlet malls, more seafood, a couple dance clubs, and slept. as much as we wanted.
glorious.
the drive back wasn't good. wasn't bad, but it was sad to leave. we then had 2 days of class.
basic pathology and pharmacology. grosss
then i flew home over missouri, illinois, iowa, maybe some others to NEBRASKA
i had a lovely time with a good friend friday night- sushi and drinks and then headed home.
home.
a wonderful place.
i got to see my preschool teacher, many of my high school teachers, my piano teacher, one of the little girls i babysat since she was a baby, a few high school friends, and a good chunk of my family. my family. i love them. they are some of the craziest, stubborn, loving people that can cook. daaang. can they cook. i couldn't resist. tuxedo brownie tarts, gramma cake, cream cheese mints, TATO SALAD, grilled pork sammys, mmmmmmm mmmmm mmmmm
i woke up sunday morning with a terrible stomachache- so much delicous food! it probably didn't sit well, but i think it was more that i didn't want to come back to memphis. AND THEN they buried the crappy keyboard from the church at home. i can't wait to play it this summer!
4 more weeks.
4 more tests.
7 mini practicals.
2 weddings.
and then home for the rest of the summer!
it's been a whirlwind of 2 weeks. after finals jessie and I jumped into her yellow suv and headed out- through mississippi, alabama, georgia (commemorated with peach shakes from chik-fil-a), and south carolina. we were greeted with open arms by her bf kyle. and then we went to the ocean. it was dark. but it was soo gorgeous and calming. every care and stress in the world evaporated with the roar of the ocean in my ear, crunch of shells under my feet and tickle of salt in my nose. i attended mass at Our Lady of the Sea the next morning, ate a Bo Jangles chicken biscut (better than chik-fil-a!) went for a ride on the elmore's boat "like eye care" up/down the intercoastal waterway. some of the houses over looking it are absolutely gorgeous. we ate the most delicious fresh (fried) shrimp and hussssh puppies. i think they were more like circular mini funnel cakes- dip them in honey butter mmmm mmm mmm. calories didn't count on my trip.
the rest of the week we hit up the beach, walking, reading, coffee at java joes (waaay better than starbucks), outlet malls, more seafood, a couple dance clubs, and slept. as much as we wanted.
glorious.
the drive back wasn't good. wasn't bad, but it was sad to leave. we then had 2 days of class.
basic pathology and pharmacology. grosss
then i flew home over missouri, illinois, iowa, maybe some others to NEBRASKA
i had a lovely time with a good friend friday night- sushi and drinks and then headed home.
home.
a wonderful place.
i got to see my preschool teacher, many of my high school teachers, my piano teacher, one of the little girls i babysat since she was a baby, a few high school friends, and a good chunk of my family. my family. i love them. they are some of the craziest, stubborn, loving people that can cook. daaang. can they cook. i couldn't resist. tuxedo brownie tarts, gramma cake, cream cheese mints, TATO SALAD, grilled pork sammys, mmmmmmm mmmmm mmmmm
i woke up sunday morning with a terrible stomachache- so much delicous food! it probably didn't sit well, but i think it was more that i didn't want to come back to memphis. AND THEN they buried the crappy keyboard from the church at home. i can't wait to play it this summer!
4 more weeks.
4 more tests.
7 mini practicals.
2 weddings.
and then home for the rest of the summer!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)